Faux pas

Neither my mind nor my body has gotten used to the fact that we're in another time zone so I'm still waking up at odd hours and I'm rarely tired when I should be. Lucky for me, both kinds of cafes are easy to find, so caffeine has held me through class the last few days. True to form, I got placed in a class with mostly asiens. How I managed that, I'm not really sure... but the level actually turned out to be trop facile for the other Americans and me, so I might not be hangin' with the Asians much longer after all.

Another aspect of life in France that I've been getting used to... the "French protocol." Whereas Americans tend to encourage an individualist attitude, a "whatever works" approach to getting things done and continuing relationships, the French rarely deviate from their ways. Let me give you some examples:

=>One of the Ten French Commandments is to NEVER CUT LETTUCE. That means not in preparation for the meal and not during it. Instead, one is expected to fold (with fork, knife and/or a chunk of bread) the full leaves of lettuce into flat, bite-size origami that can slide cleanly between your lips without stretching them behind your teeth. This, I might add, is much more difficult than it sounds. I have yet to do this correctly, and out of frustration I just left it on my plate uneaten.
=>Another faux pas, and one that I commit daily, is laughing or smiling at great amounts in public. Smiling a lot is presumably fake, manipulative or mental and therefore is kept between friends... Americans, especially, are considered a little kooky for the random smiles to passers-by without an evident reason. It is also disruptive to laugh loudly in a restaurant, etc. and that's why Americans here are known to be obnoxious; because we generally have a good time at a louder volume than the French do.
=>At the cafe the other day, my friends and I were sitting down for coffee. It was almost lunchtime, the French's favorite part of the day, when a few of them decided to order a creme brulee since we weren't hungry enough to eat a meal. The waiter raised a sardonic eyebrow, asking, "Pour vous?" According to him, we weren't allowed to order a dessert unless we had eaten a meal. A few moments later, he kicked our group out because we weren't eating lunch with them. Paying just frustrated them further since the waiter refused to change a 5 euro bill and because venders expect payment in exact change. So thats at least 3 gaffes in one visit. Apparently, this type of service is hit or miss because the cafe across the street gave quite a friendly welcome (and even a little jig) for our other classmates.

This is actually my favorite part about traveling, the DIFFERENCES. To find out the whys and hows of all the "French ways," I'll have to observe and experience this place longer, and then I can go more in depth on the subject. Its easy to attribute these elements of their lifestyle to the arrogance that is often ascribed to the French but I'm convinced that there is something even beyond that. Every culture comes to be what they are through experience and finding out what works for them, and I'm ever-curious to understand exactly what those experiences are.

My biggest mistake is also the funniest, being that I've made fun of others for doing the same thing back in the states. I ordered the plat du jour with a few friends of mine and the waitress gave us two options for it: veal or duck. Duck in French is pronounced "cah-nahrd." The equivalent of "asshole" or "schmuck" in French is pronounced "coh-nahrd." Guess which one I ordered? I had even been practicing it over and over in my head but at the very moment it came out of my mouth, my mind was elsewhere. The waitress gave me a double-take and waited for my correction... luckily, she nicely accepted it as a foreigner's blunder and did not serve me an "asshole" out of spite. (Excuse my French.)

I had been warned about most of these cultural nuances and potential errors before experiencing them firsthand, so its comical that we still had problems. So far, however, it has been nothing we can't later laugh off obnoxiously in the streets while the quiet French just shake their heads.